


chasing those we do not know

by tasibi



Series: It's 3 AM again [19]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Asexuality Spectrum, Bittersweet Ending, Character Study, Demisexuality, Dissociation, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Fear, Gen, Minor Character Death, Non-Consensual Touching, Sad Ending, Self-Hatred, Sex, Swearing, The Hale Family, Underage Sex, discussion of sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:13:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24765976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tasibi/pseuds/tasibi
Summary: She was older, and so she should be wiser, he thought.She must be, he reasoned with himself.AKAA view into a possibly demisexual Derek, following his mindset during Canon events pre-teen wolf season 1.
Relationships: Derek Hale & Laura Hale, Derek Hale & Talia Hale, Derek Hale/Paige, Kate Argent/Derek Hale
Series: It's 3 AM again [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/793599
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	chasing those we do not know

**Author's Note:**

> I was going to bed and was hit by the need to project my feelings of my demisexuality on a character. And then it turned into a character study. also I'VE NEVER WATCHED SEASON 1, so pls correct me on some facts if I get them wrong 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS IN END NOTES!!! pls read if you need to.
> 
> If this receives a good enough reception I might make a sequel in the future. But rn? It's too late for this so I'll go, peace! (・｀ω´・)

Thinking back on it now, the label fits him. It explains so much of what he regards himself as. If only he had found it sooner. So much could've been prevented. 

It started to become relevant to Derek at the tender age of 10. He began to notice all of his classmates profesing "love" to others. He even saw his seat partner confess to another and then "break up" the next day. It was an incredibley frivolous and impulsive system to him. 

"But why do they that?" he asked his mom and Alpha one night as he helped clean the dinner table.

Talia smiled at him, "Its just simple puppy-love and puberty, honey. You'll understand when you get older. "

Derek wrinkled his nose, but didn't comment and just continued with the dishes. He didn't want to continue talking about this anymore.

Unlike his mom, he found that he trusted his sister a lot. Even as she went through her "too mature" phase and didn't take him seriously. She was also given the training of being the future alpha, which combined with her pride, inflated her ego to a concerning degree for only 16 years old. One of the things Derek often heard her talking about was complaining to their dad and Alpha to just "invite Jeremy over" and "he's a nice guy! I'm old enough, you're being strict for no reason" a lot.

Derek disliked this new facet of his sister's personality. This part of her was only focused on looks and boys. Not at all like the strong leader Laura Hale he had grown to admire. As he grew older, and so did the rest of his family members, sex was more commonly discussed. Many of the younger kids were still disgusted with it, the older ones comfortable discussing, and some of the more "mature" members were more frivolous discussing it. Surprisingly, this included some Hales which believed in a more.. "naked" approach to Werewolf life. 

Derek? He wasn't uncomfortable with the concept himself, but found himself put off by the actual nature of the act. Which brings him to a memory of him and his older brother, Corbin, and Laura all sitting on the couch together watching a pg-13 romcom. Derek was fuzzy on the details but he remembers averting his eyes as the leading female was suddenly pressed up against the wall without consent from the leading male. Corbin appears indifferent, but Laura gives Derek a glance, obviously sensing somethings up. He then excused himself to the kitchen, hoping to distract himself. 

"Derek, what's up?" said teen looks up, almost dropping his plate of food. He blinks owlishly.

"What? Nothing, why are you asking?" she rolls her eyes at him, crossing her arms and leaning against the kitchen counter across from the sofas Cobin was still sitting on. She watches as he walks out the room and makes sure no one can hear them before talking again.

" You're _14_ , about to enter Highschool. Don't think I didn't notice how uncomfortable you seem when anything about relationships that is intimate is brought up. So, what's up?"

He sighs, but relents, "Listen. I just have never understood that whole 'hookup' culture I see here. Everyone I know in school has had a crush, been attracted to someone. I hear girls in my classes talking about boyfriends and occasionally sex. I'm not interested, and I don't know if that-if that makes me weird. But, but it's just what I've felt. I- I'm still figuring things out. "

Laura dropped her investigator attitude and her demeanor softened," Der, is that what's been knawing at you? You're still just a kid-"

" You're only six years older than me." 

"I'm six years your senior _and_ I wasn't done. You're still a kid, Der." She smiled at him, "I'm sure you'll find someone you like eventually. Whatever you are comfortable with, is your choice."

Derek grumbled, for some reason it didn't feel like that would apply to him. But maybe he was just being dramatic? Yeah...

"Thanks, Laura."

Nothing else was mentioned from there on until he enrolled into Beacon Hills high school. He was a ball of nervous energy for his first day and he, like the rest of the freshmen, were running to and fro from classroom to classroom. All of them not sure exactly where they were meant to be, and Derek was among them.

He had his physics, history, and English textbooks stacked on top of each other as he attempted to navigate the halls. Derek wasn't focusing clearly among the crowd and didn't see the short girl until they crashed into each other and both of their books came crashing down.

"Oh my God! I am _**so**_ sorry, are you okay?" Derek blinked the dizzyness from his eyes and gazed upon a freshmen girl, brunette, with piercing brown eyes and a soft face. She looked very compassionate.

"Oh, no no, it was my fault. I'm sorry as well, here, let me help you with that." And so Derek did the things his pack taught him and helped the girl gather up her books. She blushed as he handed her the last textbook and his hand brushed against hers, and he frowned at that but didn't pay mind to it.

" I'm still sorry for that! Oh, my name is Paige Kresikava, sorry we had to meet this way."

He smiled at her, "I'm Derek Hale, freshmen as well." She smiled back up at him, seeming very nice from his perspective. The bell broke the friendly discussion and they both realized they would be late if they kept on loitering.

"I-uh, I guess I'll see you in class?" Derek said nervously, his hand rubbing his nape. He wanted to make friends in school, but wasn't too experienced so he hoped this wasn't a bad foot to start off on.

"Yeah! Of course." She turned, about to run off but stopped, "I'll see you around, Derek!"

He waved her goodbye and went to his next class. Confident he hadn't screwed things up. And that's how his freshmen year went, he and Paige being best friends and things going mostly smooth sailing. He was a star player for the basketball team, he was growing into himself and all seemed right in the world. 

Until he woke up one morning from a text from Paige.

**Pidgy [5:53am]**

**> der i stopped by wlmrt last night and LOOK AT MY HALL**

**< image description: Paige, hair in a bun with four packs of oreos, a mini trumpet, a tiny bunny, and a plush green frog. She seems happy. >**

**> the frogs for u, ik you like them (・｀ω´・) **

And as he looked at her, it hit him. Is this what falling for someone is like? He would gladly spend hours listening to Paige talk about her favorite foods and the things people in her band have said.

Holy shit. He liked Paige.

He loved spending hours with her, in the distillery, reading, talking, teaching her basketball. Anything. He found her presence beyond just comforting, it was a beacon of stability for him.

He couldn't imagine loosing her, and he wanted, he _craved_ to tell her that. To tell her everything. 

But Paige was the one to make the first move.

_" I knew."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"Right after I told you my name... I think I knew. I've seen things in this town before, things no one really could explain. And then there's the way that you talk... How you say things, like how you'd 'catch a scent.' And I know you can hear things, things that no one else can hear. I knew."_

_Derek held his breath_

_"And you still liked me?"_

_"I **loved** you."_

He was a teen boy, he was a werewolf, and a star basketball player with his cute cello girlfriend now.

He was in love, and felt no pressure. Paige was so patient with him, talking him through things. And though he was uncomfortable going beyond kissing, he made sure to let her know he loved her. And wouldn't relent til she exclaimed _"Okay okay I get it!"_ between giggles.

It was later that night when she was killed. 

By him.

In his heart he knew, he _knew_ it was the alpha's fault. He knew that he did the right thing.

But the blue to his eyes screamed otherwise. They shouted and screeched, saying _"You broken piece of shit, you don't deserve love. You didn't deserve **any** fucking thing."_

His pack was concerned, even Peter gave him a glance. He mentally flipped off the latter.

His 16th birthday came and went, without his notice. His family knew he didn't want to celebrate. Because Derek still was torn by the weight of the sins he had committed. He killed someone good. _HE DID_.

He just needed someone, anyone, God. Just someone to show him that. He, he felt like something was wrong with him.

"Maybe there is, maybe there isn't", he would think out loud. 

The mirror wouldn't answer his questions.

And then she came around.

She was everything everyone in school always talked about. She was a pretty blonde with a well maintained figure and striking eyes with an upturned nose that conveyed she had a sense of superiority to the ones below her gaze. She was colder, and more condescending. Always keeping up appearances. She was the complete opposite of Paige.

She was just the distraction Derek _thought_ he needed.

So, he let her in. He trusted her with his secrets and thoughts. He told her about his family and their names and jobs. He didn't fucking _**think**_ of the gunpowder that lingered around her, or the way her eyes turned calculating at the slight hint of new information.

_She spoke to him to sweetly, stroking his cheek. "Derek, you know I love you. But I don't think_ you _are ready to tell anyone about us yet."_

_She didn't phrase it like a question at all._

_"But you're my partner, and I feel like I should tell my family of you."_

_She grinned, teeth sharp and her eyes predatory._

_"Oh honey," her voice was like caramel, and it disguised the patronizing tone to her voice, "How can I meet them if I don't know much about them?"_

_He relented._

_She was older, and so she should be wiser,_ he thought.

_She must be_ , he reasoned with himself.

He let himself be dragged along until he was layed out on a bed, having sex with her.

It wasn't at all what his classmates talked about. Nothing about it felt intimate. It was cold and he was shoved down, mearly just a playtoy for the woman to use to her hearts content.

_"Its good, isn't it?" she panted, going up and down and up. He didn't realize she was there._

_"y-yeah"_

And when it was over he rolled over and tossed the condom into the trash like he was taught. She walked over to him, already dressed and about to leave the hotel room.

But she stopped, and turned around to give him a sly grin. Her teeth bared and her eyes predatory.

Kate laughed, "January 22nd, wasn't it? I'll see you then!" and he dismissed it like that.

He _**dismissed**_ it.

He couldn't anymore when Deputy Stilinksi comes to his classroom door, Laura already behind him, eyes pleading. They had a faint red glow to them. 

Derek hurried out of class, rushing and almost crying as they approach the Hale house, consumed by flame.

It was scorching, and he could hear the sounds of something _**burning**_ -

He's snapped out of it by a group of paremedics escorting an extremely burned Peter into an ambulance. And when Derek glanced down at his own chest, he realizes his pack bonds are gone. And he weeps.

He dosent know how long they're there for. He dosent pay attention-again- as Laura sets up Peter to be left alone in a long term care fascility. He's merely a shell of his former self and he and Laura decide it's best for him todrop out of Highschool with a GED. 

They have a grave for each of the Hale house members. There's his brothers, Corbin and Martin, both in their young 20's. Martin was visiting home with his fiancee (a witch) before he and her were to be wed next week.

His younger sister, Violet, was going to be celebrating her 5th birthday next month. She was going to give them a violin recital. She was human.

His little brother, Mattias, wasn't even a year old. They didn't know if he was human or not. His little cousin, Alini, was the light of their world. She was a bundle of joy and coming into her first set of claws.

His aunt Esther was a woman he respected very much. She was the one who, despite his refusals, baked him his favorite cake - Tres Leches- for his 16th birthday and let him eat and grieve. She knew what it felt like to loose someone you love. 

His father had promised that, in spite of things being tough, they could make it through this. He promised to take Derek for a ride in his precious camaro before Laura got her hands on it. His father had said he loved him and then kissed him on the cheek. He was human.

His mother, his alpha. The one who was his pillar, his stability, died. He didn't get a chance to even talk to her before hand because he rushed out the house that morning to get it school.

The police never found Cora's body.

Somehow, seeing their names all in a grave with a simple date felt demeaning to them. These were people who defended the town and died for it. And all they received was a simple rock?

He was all alone with Laura. A broken alpha who took them to New York. Desperate to get the claws of Beacon Hills off of them. But that's the thing.

Beacon Hills did not just tear it's claws into your skin; no, no. It crawled under your skin like a **parasite** , ingraving itself into your very core. No one just left beacon hills. Sooner or later, they return. It was only a matter of time before they returned.

_"Laura, we can't. It's not safe-"_

_"DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT?" she huffed, "But it's the only thing we can do."_

_Derek scrubbed his eyes, "Mom would know what to do."_

_Laura sighed, "Yeah. Yeah, she would."_

Laura died.

He didn't get a chance to grieve. 

And that was the beginning of the end.

**Author's Note:**

> TW:
> 
> Sex is discussed and brought up frequently and Derek has underage sex with Kate. He is still grieving the death of Paige and is thus, under dubious consent.   
> Let me know if I need to add anymore 
> 
> Hope you enjoy, everyone :3


End file.
